Tag Archives: dating

WISDOM Wednesday: Second Date©

This story written by Malati Marlene Shinazy

It’s spring, almost summer… there’s lot of events to do outside: Live Concerts, Shakespeare in the Park, Arts & Craft Shows, and Car Shows.

It’s also the time you see cute couples everywhere.  Some they are not so cute.  But still, they are everywhere.   My cadre of single girlfriends and I all want to be a member of one of those couples – (only one of the cute couples).

That means: DATING.  Dating for a baby boomer woman is a process that often falls somewhere between having a second job and flinging oneself under a train that has just derailed with cars full of chlorine.  It takes some effort, sometimes a lot of effort.  And, sometimes it’s a total HazMat level disaster.

On occasion, dating it’s an efficient way to fill the pipeline with a list of helpers for next winter’s home repair projects.  Tip: Date a master electrician, not someone whose first career was shoe sales, completed his mid-life crisis, and is now an electrician’s helper.

In Paying Attention, I described the perfect, mouth-watering first date  – the one’s we don’t want to end.  Those are dates that are sure to yield a second walk-on-the beach date, or a third date, called the  “Want to come over for dinner tomorrow?” date … Since I don’t cook, that luscious lure would be uttered by my date.

Most often, there are googolplex numbers of first dates that yield  – well, nothing.  There is no second or third date.  Indeed, there’s no second thought of a second date, or of the person after the first date ends.  They may not be horrible experiences, just not second datable experiences.

At lunch, my girlfriends and I generated a long list of reasons we wouldn’t go on a second date with a man… The items on the list were as varied as the women at the table.

Here are a few items on our “There Won’t Be a Second Date” list:

  • I was bored (this one’s mine)
  • It made me crazy when he continuously used verbal fillers like: “like,” “yea, yea,” “um,” “uh”
  • I couldn’t stand how he spoke with his mouth full
  • He talked only about himself / his car/ his ex …
  • He dressed like a slob
  • He dressed like an dandy
  • He dressed like an aristocrat
  • 50 +/- other reasons

During this rapid fire of idiosyncratic elimination factors, I offered,

“I didn’t like the way he smelled.”

Eureka!  We finally found one upon which we all agreed …  There were variations of this rejection criterion, but we concurred on the basics.  Sometimes, the possibility of a second date was determined by simple mammalian olfactory perception.

Spring is here.  Couples are everywhere.  Single women are dating in hopes they too might become one of the cute couples by summer.  And, this group of now-smarter baby boomer women have just replace the old adage, “Stop and smell the flowers “ with, “Stop and smell the man.

photo by kkirugi

WISDOM Wednesday: Paying Attention !!

A story by Malati Marlene Shinazy
This was an evening made for paying attention.

I met my new fellow at a favorite restaurant overlooking the Pacific Ocean. We timed it so we could watch the sun set. I wasn’t just paying attention; my eyes were riveted to the horizon … Abundant clouds held onto the orange-to peach-to pale pink sky for quite some time after the sun disappeared.

Dinner followed. If you love love crab cakes like I do, you pay attention to whether or not they have a lot of fillers – or do they taste perhaps, like crab, as crab cakes should. These did, so I savored every bite.

No need to write about the entrée. It was flawlessly delicious, as expected.

Dessert – My favorite part of any meal, was a rich chocolate mouse, drizzled with dark chocolate syrup. My palate was at full attention. And, since my date was attentive to every smiling bite, I ate extra carefully.
                                                                                     
My date – This man was so gorgeous.  Sitting across the table, he was a visual dessert.  It was a challenge to pay attention to my dessert and not drool – over the man, not the chocolate mouse.

He and I chatted and gazed at each other for another 2-1/2 hours. Finally, though, time to depart… workday tomorrow.  No quick hugs tonight; these were romance novel kisses – Now I was paying attention to how perfectly he kissed and how perfectly I felt in his arms…

After scheduling our next date, I got into my new car.

New cars require paying attention too.  I needed to adjust the seat a little forward, a little higher, a little more tilt, a little more recline. Finally, it was ready — A farewell wave to my dessert-man and I was off.

The road homeward is two-lane country highway. It undulates an ascent from sea level through the vineyards and pastures, eventually emerging at town’s edge.  With no moon and or traffic that night, it was totally dark. I leisurely enjoyed the drive, replaying the perfect evening in my mind –
day-dreaming in the night.

A single second later, however, Lights and Sirens make a swift U-turn behind me… Screaming onto me like I was driving an armed-robbery getaway car.  I pulled over anywhere, rolled down the window, put on my game face.

“Mam, do you know how fast you were going?”

I made up a reasonable sounding speed… paying attention not to sound guilty.

“No mam; I clocked you at 85 miles per hour, 30 miles over the speed limit.”

I so wanted to argue with the officer, but I knew in the pit of my stomach he was probably right.  I drove away with a $350 citation, traffic school and a probable insurance rate hike… 


If I hadn’t been paying attention earlier in my drive, I sure was now.
photo by Lel4nd